Tuesday has no feel … Oh, I’m feeling Tuesday.
College football’s bowl season is a series of games that I like to call the NCAA’s other “Big Dance”. But at this dance you’re stuck with your partner all night. Allow me to liken each college program to someone you remember from high school, and then analyze the pairings for the annual winter formal:
Sitting this one out
The bitchy rich girl (Notre Dame) who contracted herpes when she slept around with losers (failed coaches in Bob Davies, Tyrone Willingham, Charlie Weis) and was then publicly abused (on NBC) by those of a lower caste (losses to Navy, Air Force, Syracuse). She has the chutzpah to state that she’d turn down any dance invites (Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl) in order to get a head start on treating her STDs (finding a new coach).
The star tennis player (University of Michigan) who never had trouble finding a date for the dance (33 year bowl participation streak until 2007), except that he’s been plagued with acne so severe the past few years (back-to-back losing seasons) that he’s barricaded himself inside his Big House. The acne will subside with time, but the acne scars are permanent (HUMILIATING loss to FCS opponent Appalachian State).
December 19th
New Mexico Bowl – Albuquerque, New Mexico (New Mexico Bowl Tickets)
Wyoming University vs. Fresno State
The pale shut-in girl (Wyoming), who’s quiet existence seems disposable to the entire class (all of college football). She’s paired with the shadowy, pony-tailed trench coat guy (Fresno State). Everything about this couple screams AWKWARD! Both parties may get cold feet and stay home (Laramie, WY & Fresno, CA), because it’s a more comfortable setting than their date (Albuquerque, NM). No one would notice their absence anyway.
St. Petersburg Bowl – St. Petersburg, Florida (St. Petersburg Bowl Ticktes)
Rutgers vs. University of Central Florida
Once a perpetual loser (Rutgers), this guy’s new found swagger is derived from his recent post-pubescent swan-like transformation (three consecutive winning seasons/bowl victories). His date’s parts–long blonde hair (University of), tanned skin (Central), and thin frame (Florida)–are greater than the sum (University of Central Florida). He hopes that a strong pre-game booze will blur her butterface.
December 20th
R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (New Orleans Bowl Tickets)
Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee
Everyone has seen these two (Southern Miss & Middle Tennessee) loitering in the school parking lot, but no one is sure if they’re even students? People will watch, but only to make sure they’re not breaking into cars.
December 22nd
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas Bowl Tickets)
BYU vs. Oregon St.
The Mormon kid (BYU) swings a date with an underrated pretty girl (Oregon St.), but only because he’s not a sexual threat. She can always ditch him and leave with anyone else in a swingin’ singles market (Las Vegas).
December 23rd
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl – San Diego, CA (Poinsettia Bowl Tickets)
University of California vs. Utah
The duke of snobs (Cal) matches up with the cute girl (Utah) from the misfit lunch table (Mountain West Conference). She’s been known to stand up to the pretty girls table (SEC), most famously when she bitch-slapped (2008 31-17 Sugar Bowl stomp) the cheerleading coach’s daughter (Alabama). But even that didn’t change faculty (media) opinion (finished #5 with 13-0 record). Don’t expect her to put up with any crap from this jerk either.
Christmas Eve
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl (Sheraton Hawaii Bowl Tickets)
Southern Methodist vs. Nevada
He’s that one guy (Southern Methodist) that looks a lot like that other guy whose name you can’t remember (Southern Miss). She’s that one girl (Nevada) who you always get confused with that other girl (UNLV). Next!
December 26th
Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl – Detroit, Michigan (Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl Tickets)
Marshall vs. Ohio University
The pudgy hippie girl (Ohio U) who adorns her body with hemp accoutrements. The vocational student (Marshall) who reeks of PBR, wears clothes stained with motor oil, and eats lunch in his car. Lots of bad smells emanating from this couple, as they each bring their own brand of filth to the dance.
Meineke Car Care Bowl – Charlotte, North Carolina (2009 Meineke Bowl Tickets)
University of Pittsburgh vs. University of North Carolina
The closeted guy (Pittsburgh) who keeps everyone guessing. The cute girl (UNC) that no one knows is bi-sexual (UNC). This could be fun, or it could be unwatchable.
Emerald Bowl – San Francisco, CA (2009 Emerald Bowl Tickets)
Boston College vs. University of Southern California
The rich prick (USC) who seemingly had it all–money, girls, good looks–but fell from grace when the wheel of fortune spun downward (four conference losses and a fifth place Pac 10 finish in 2009). His face was mauled in a dog attack (loss to the Washington Huskies), had both legs broken in a boating accident when attacked by a flock of ducks (Oregon), had his house robbed (55-21 loss at the Coliseum to Stanford), and his car driven off a cliff (by Arizona). His date, the frigid catholic girl (B.C.), will keep her distance from this karma lightning rod.
December 27th
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl – Nashville, TN (2009 Music City Bowl Tickets)
Clemson vs. University of Kentucky
The girl who’s been forgotten (Kentucky) because of her overachieving older sister (UK men’s basketball team). The guy everybody thinks was in that one class with them (Clemson). A good match for each other because expectations on both sides are tempered, but if sparks fly it’d be a pleasant surprise.
December 28th
AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl – Shreveport, Louisiana (2009 Independence Bowl Tickets)
Texas A&M vs. University of Georgia
She’s the pretty girl (Georgia) so OBSESSED with her (bull)dog that she brings it along. He’s the hillbilly farmhand (A&M) who moves the hay from his pick-up truck bed to the passenger seat, so she and her pup can ride in the back and arrive in style.
December 29th
EagleBank Bowl – Washington D.C. (2009 EagleBank Bowl Tickets)
Temple vs. Army or UCLA
The most uncoordinated guy in school (Temple), he just signed up for dance lessons (ended a thirty year bowl drought). He has two dates lined up (Army & UCLA) in case one cancels. It’s been a while since he’s danced, so he can’t blow this one.
Champs Sports Bowl – Orlando, Florida (2009 Champs Sports Bowl Tickets)
University of Miami vs. University of Wisconsin
He’s the fat, avuncular guy (Wisconsin) who dropped thirty pounds to fit into his tuxedo (9-3 record), but guess what? He still looks fat (fourth place in the Big Ten)! She’s the pretty girl (Miami), who everyone knows was molested by her family. She gets drunk at the dance and has him role-play, just to make him feel like he has a chance.
December 30th
Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl – Boise, Idaho (2009 Humanitarian Bowl Tickets)
Bowling Green State University vs. University of Idaho
The burnout guy (Bowling Green) and the bore of a girl (Idaho). They’ll stand in the corner as he espouses his stoner theories because he thinks she’s interested, but really, she just has nothing to say.
Texas Bowl – Houston, Texas (2009 Texas Bowl Tickets)
Navy vs. Missouri
The straight edge guy (Navy) who’s corrupted by his lush of a date (Missouri). He pukes in the car on the ride to the dance, in the bathroom at the dance, and on her lap during the ride home.
December 31st
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl – San Diego, California (2009 Pacific Life Holiday Bowl Tickets)
University of Arizona vs. Nebraska
The girl who’s only work in life is to party (Arizona) meets the guy whose only party in life is to work (Nebraska). This one could go either way.
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl – Fort Worth, Texas (Armed Forces Bowl Tickets)
Air Force vs. Houston
The aggressive, no-standards guy (Air Force) who hooks up all the time (fourth in the NCAA team rushing), paired with the sloppy girl (Houston) who’s always drunk AND high (leads the nation in total offense). There should be a lot of scoring, and not a lot of resistance.
Brut Sun Bowl – El Paso, TX (2009 Sun Bowl Tickets)
University of Oklahoma vs. Stanford
The JV cheerleading captain (Oklahoma) who broke her nose (losing QB Sam Bradford) in a nasty fall and is still recovering from the nose job. It’s the honor student’s (Stanford) rare chance to hookup with a cheerleader, maimed or otherwise. And it still trumps his regular cast of nerd groupies. He wants someone with name recognition, someone he can brag about to his friends and casually name drop to impress others–even though his date sports a nose bandage in the formal pictures.
Insight Bowl – Tempe, AZ (2009 Insight Bowl Tickets)
Minnesota vs. Iowa State
The girl (Minnesota) whose weight fluctuates year-to-year and the completely unremarkable (6-6 record) guy (Iowa State) delighted to have found someone he thinks will put out for him.
Chick-Fil-A Bowl – Atlanta, Georgia (ChickFilA Bowl Tickets)
Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee
The juvenile delinquent (Tennessee) who’s always up to no good (players arrested for robbery at gunpoint) paired with the girl who’s sexy and intelligent (Virginia Tech), but can never seem to grab the top rung of the social ladder (finished with a top 10 ranking six times, but no national championship). Both know they can do better, but that won’t stop them from having a lot of fun–legally and otherwise–before the night ends.
January 1st – 2010
Outback Bowl – Tampa, Florida (2010 Outback Bowl Tickets)
Auburn vs. Northwestern
The scholar (Northwestern) is able to date-up with a pretty girl (Auburn) because he’s the only one willing to listen to her constant whine about being underappreciated (13-0 2004 season, but no national championship) by the faculty (media). She likes the idea of arriving with a smart guy on a leash, even though her better looking friends (Alabama, Florida, LSU) watch and giggle at her posturing.
Konica Minolta Gator Bowl – Jacksonville, Florida (2010 Gator Bowl Tickets)
West Virginia vs. Florida State
This guy (West Virginia), always on the homecoming court fringe, but can never break on through to the other side (0 national championships). His date (Florida State) was a natural beauty, but too many bleach jobs (arrests) and hours in the tanning bed (years spent with Bobby Bowden) have killed any value she once held. She doesn’t have the clout to say no to anyone at this point.
Capital One Bowl – Orlando, Florida (2010 Capital One Bowl Tickets)
Penn St vs. LSU
Regular members of the homecoming court (BCS), these two pillars (Penn State, LSU)Â of their social groups (Big Ten, SEC) will sulk outside in the hall thinking about what could have been if they’d put more time into their plans.
Citi Rose Bowl – Pasadena, CA (RoseBowl Tickets)
THE Ohio State University vs. University of Oregon
The deceptively pretty girl (OSU) who pays for an expensive dress, cakes on her makeup, and hangs out with fat girls (the Big Ten) to pad her self-esteem, only to be outshined by the true beauties (three straight BCS bowl losses). The cute guy (Oregon) who’s potential is always undercut by his closet (of hideous Nike uniforms).
AllState Sugar Bowl – New Orleans, Louisiana (Allstate Sugar Bowl Tickets)
Florida vs. Cincinnati
The student body president (Florida) who’s showered with constant faculty (media) adoration. The depressed girl (Cincinnati) who found a therapist (Coach Brian Kelly), and traded the Cure shirts and dark makeup for halter tops (touchdowns) and MAC cosmetics (extra points). He’s thrilled by the opportunity to ravage someone who’d only previously been touched by Morrissey.
January 2nd
International Bowl – Toronto, Canada (2010 International Bowl Tickets)
South Florida vs. Northern Illinois
The AV kids (South Florida & Northern Illinois) are still around, but only because someone has to take down the lights and put away the equipment when the dance ends.
PapaJohns.com Bowl – Birmingham, Alabama (2010 PapaJohn’s Bowl Tickets)
South Carolina vs. University of Connecticut
The ugly girl (South Carolina), who thinks that her pretty friends (SEC) make her more attractive by association. The emo guy (UConn) who hopes he can use this date as a stepping stone to her hot friends.
AT&T Cotton Bowl – Arlington, Texas (Cotton Bowl Game Tickets)
Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss
The chaperones (Oklahoma State, Mississippi). They’re two single parents looking to recapture the magic of their high school days. Their close dancing makes everyone a little uncomfortable, but people can’t resist watching.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl – Memphis, Tennessee (AutoZone Liberty Bowl Tickets)
Arkansas vs. East Carolina
The kids who graduated last year (Arkansas, East Carolina). Their lives are bottomless voids of nothingness. When they try to crash the dance, they’ll be escorted out by the auxiliary police at the door.
Valero Alamo Bowl – San Antonio, Texas (2010 Alamo Bowl Tickets)
Michigan State vs. Texas Tech
The guy who looks old enough to buy beer (Michigan State) and the girl with a fake ID (Texas Tech). They’re used by their “friends” (Big Ten, Big 12 elite) to secure (BCS) party invites. Since they both already have a means to obtain alcohol, they’re not particularly impressed by each other.
January 4th
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl – Glendale, Arizona (2010 Fiesta Bowl Tickets)
Boise State vs. TCU
The school’s 103 pound state wrestling champion (Boise State). No one takes this diminutive–but tough–kid seriously, even though he’s beaten up guys three times his size (Oregon) and pimp-slapped the JV cheerleading captain (Oklahoma). The drama queen (TCU), who’ll demand a (BCS) vote recount after the dance if her hair and makeup hold up (13-0 finish).
January 5th
FedEx Orange Bowl – Miami, Florida (2010 Orange Bowl Tickets)
Georgia Tech vs. Iowa
The daughter of the cheerleading coach (Georgia Tech) and the son of the football coach (Iowa). Probably wouldn’t have made the homecoming court (BCS) if they didn’t have the name recognition (BCS contract w/Big Ten & ACC).
January 6th
GMAC Bowl – Mobile, Alabama (2010 GMAC Bowl Tickets)
Central Michigan vs. Troy
The dropouts (Central Michigan & Troy) who get to stay out after curfew (past December 31) and get drunk on Mad Dog 20/20 because no one cares enough to supervise them.
January 7th
Citi BCS Championship Game – Pasadena, CA (BCS National Championship Game Tickets)
Texas vs. Alabama
Last dance. The head cheerleader (Alabama) and the football (lone) star (Texas). It’s a sexy pair that everyone will want to watch. The star will try to play with her pom-poms, but she’ll hit him over the head with her megaphone, sending him to the gymnasium floor. As the final note of the final song rings out, she’ll stand with one triumphant foot atop his chest, and scream to the world, “Who wants to f#ckin’ after party?!â€
Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) PostsWell, that was quick. As expected, Florida State was selected to the 2010 Gator Bowl (see our article predicting/supporting this below). And in response, fans who want to see Bobby Bowden’s final game bought all 77,000 tickets in just 2 days!
Easy: Just go to the 2010 Gator Bowl Tickets page and compare all of the seats and prices from the major ticket vending sites so that you can still get in on history. Many of those 77,000 tickets are those that you will see there on the site.
And while FSU is technically outmatched in this game, don’t be so sure to write them off just yet. While they don’t have all of the skills to match up with West Virginia, they will be bringing heart and inspiration. Will that be enough to take down Mountaineers? I actually think so, but don’t blame me if you lose any bets!
Right now there’s a lot of hot discussion, especially on the east coast, about the 2010 Gator Bowl, which is played on New Year’s Day.
The big stink is that a 6-6 Florida State team could end up in this prestigious game based on a technicality, and it may seriously happen as a nice “lifetime achievement gift” to Bobby Bowden, who is coaching his final game after a wonderful 44-year career (34 of them being at Florida State).
First, the facts, then the opinions.
Starting with the New Year’s 2007 Gator Bowl game, the ACC runner-up is contractually tied to play in the Chick-fil-A Bowl and the Gator Bowl matched the third-place ACC team against a team from either the Big East #2 (unless they qualified for the BCS), Big 12, or Notre Dame.
The contract goes through the 2009-2010 football season, and is held in conjunction with the Sun Bowl (with the Gator Bowl receiving first choice of teams and requires both bowls to take Big East teams twice and Big 12 teams twice). Since the last two Gator Bowls had Texas Tech and Nebraska, both Big 12 teams, a Big East team or Notre Dame will play in the 2010 Gator Bowl per the terms of the contract.
Important Note: The Gator Bowl is required to select the ACC runner-up at least once during this four-year contract cycle, but it performed that obligation in 2006, when it chose Georgia Tech. This is important because this runner-up can be passed over, as discussed later.
Our current situation is as follows:
ACC Coastal #1: Georgia Tech (7-1 Conf, 10-2 Overall)
ACC Coastal #2: Virginia Tech (6-2 Conf, 9-3 Overall)
ACC Coastal #3: Miami (5-3 Conf, 9-3 Overall)
ACC Atlantic #1: Clemson (6-2 Conf, 8-4 Overall)
ACC Atlantic #2: Boston College (5-3 Conf, 8-4 Overall)
ACC Atlantic #3: Florida State (4-4 Conf, 6-6 Overall)
Clemson plays Georgia Tech in the ACC Championship this weekend.
So how does Florida State back into this one?
Enter the ACC one-loss rule. This states that if the Gator Bowl doesn’t choose the ACC team with the best conference record, it must choose a team within one win of that team’s conference record. However, it can also pass over the title game’s runner up if the next team is within one victory.
Florida State, being 4-4, needs to either be the best-available team upon Gator Bowl selection (not gonna happen), or some 5-3 teams to be the best-available teams — who then get legally skipped over for the 4-4 Seminoles due to the one-loss rule.
So here’s what could happen:
Clemson wins the ACC championship against Georgia Tech. This leaves the standings as such:
ACC (if Clemson beats Georgia Tech):
Clemson (7-2 Conf, 9-4 Overall) – ACC Champion – BCS Bound
Georgia Tech (6-3 Conf, 10-3 Overall) – ACC Runner up – SKIPPED!
Virginia Tech (6-2 Conf, 9-3 Overall) – Chick-Fil-A Bowl
Miami (5-3 Conf, 9-3 Overall) – Available
Boston College (5-3 Conf, 8-4 Overall) – Available
Florida State (4-4 Conf, 6-6 Overall) – Available via one-loss rule
So if Clemson wins, the Seminoles then need Virginia Tech (and not Georgia Tech) to be taken by the Chick-fil-A Bowl.
Now wouldn’t the one-loss rule make it seem that skipping over 6-3 Georgia Tech should include having the Gator Bowl then move on to the 5-3 teams? This is where the argument is, and the rules seem open for interpretation.
Now, what if Georgia Tech wins the ACC Championship over Clemson?
Your standings are now a hypothetical:
Georgia Tech (8-1 Conf, 11-2 Overall) – BCS Bound
Virginia Tech (6-2 Conf, 9-3 Overall) – Chik-fil-A Bowl
Clemson (6-3 Conf, 8-5 Overall) – Runner-Up – SKIPPED!
Miami (5-3 Conf, 9-3 Overall) – Available
Boston College (5-3 Conf, 8-4 Overall) – Available
Florida State (4-4 Conf, 6-6 Overall) – Available via one-loss rule
To get Florida State into the Gator Bowl here, the Chick-fil-A Bowl will have to select Virginia Tech, and the Gator Bowl can then skip Clemson, leaving 5-3 and 4-4 teams. Same technicality as above.
Wow. My brain hurts a little bit from that, and I’d love to see a lawyer’s opinion of the actual rules, which I have not read.
Additionally, this has Mountaineer Nation with its panties in a bunch, and rightfully so. They are begging the Chick-fil-A Bowl to throw this whole argument in the trash by choosing the ACC runner-up, thus forcing a much better Gator Bowl match-up (and old rivalry) in West Virginia vs. Virginia Tech.
Now, as a Big Ten alum and a west-coast resident, here’s my opinion:
Screw the rules and screw the haters. Bowden has done more for football than anyone else even sniffing this game. He is the second-winning-est coach, brought SPEED and offensive flair to the game, actively recruited black men earlier than most, had an incredible decade-long streak of 10-win seasons and bowl victories, and ran a very clean program until later in his career when he loosened his grip a while.
Not only that, but he’s just a great guy with tons of charisma. This isn’t a Charlie Weis retirement party. This is a once-in-a-lifetime legend leaving the game forever.
You uptight clowns on the east coast need to learn a little something called respect. 34 years at the same school, during a time when nobody in our generation stays at the same company for more than five years. The guy wants to finish his career in Florida, he’s paid his dues, and he should get them.
Yeah, I know that West Virginia might not get their preferred game, but guess what, kids – life’s not fair. Bowden has pull and your coach doesn’t. Deal with it.
Let the Gator Bowl have FSU play and I’ll make you an offer: Next time you coach a team for 34 years of greatness, you can pick your own damn bowl game too.
Links:
2010 Gator Bowl (2010 Gator Bowl Tickets)
ChickFilA Bowl (ChickFilA Bowl Tickets)